Stargazer

He was a stargazer.

And his nightly tale would always begin with him,
Lying on the usual rooftop,
He would gaze the starry sky for long,
And he will fall to the same recurring dream.

That in his dream,
A shooting star seems closing on to him,
And with his trembling arm, he tries to grab it,
Only to awake to familiar darkness,
With an empty hand-clasp.

He sighs out a yawn, stretching his sore neck, 
While doing so, he sees a fellow stargazer, waving from afar,
And not so far away, another fellow, and another.
Graciously, yet lonesome, he waves back.

Bintulu 
12am 

12th April

Home of the crows

I was here, a district was once with souls
They called it, a paradise on earth
Every streets, never dying festive parades
A heart-warming place, we both called home

Then we woke up, to ambiguous dark sky
Streets littered with fallen autumn leaves
Our home, is at the end of lease
Now, a home of the crows

Like a sandcastle, collapses when it's time
Like a ladder, it extends to a stop eventually
And good moments, it lasts

When the time comes, don't be scared.


MX
18/04/2020
Miri

From The Sea

Lost in world of sea in search for seven wonders,
The crews fronted the sailor for answers,
The sailor laughs, and calmly replies,

  "Lose your faith in whole world you could,
    But lose the faith in your belief you must not,
    For this ship is our soul, our love, our religion,
    For it breaks, so do us.
     And if is unbreakable, so do us."

MX
31/3/2020

Breakfast and Real Estate

She once asked,

  "Do you have a place called home?
    A place to go when the feet are sore.
    To rest your heart and soul.
    And when it rains, a place to take a shade.
    As the age catches on,
    So are the dusts on frames and memorabilia
    Gathered and displayed as you lived,
    And when the time comes, you will go as if
     The prized moments were just yesterday."

By the time I decide to pen this down,
She would have long forgotten about the chat,
But as the world drifts to a bad state,
All one could think of, is home.


MX
29/3/2020
Midnight


**********************************

Time: Between 0900 to 1000
Venue: A significant food court in the middle of Singapore
Agenda: Breakfast

It's her. It is always about her. This story is based on an event, happened exactly two years and days ago, however I couldn't help but the flashes came to me on my sleeping time, as I was on my bed trying to doze off.

The place was hot, and humid, like the usual weather we both grew up, acclimatized in. Yet, a soothing hunger that stroke both our tummies, seem to have made both of us aiming for a higher priority that morning. That said, we both ended up at a rather centre for food hawkers, with moderate crowds, but plenty of seats.

We strolled through each stalls, made short glimpses on each menus that were offered to us, but still nothing crossed a stake to our heart yet.

"How about this stall? They seem to serve good chee cheong fun."

"Yeah sure. Get one for us. I'm not that hungry, we could share a plate." She replied.

"Hmm, if that's the case, I get us a plate of fried meehoon too."

She nodded.

She proceeded to get a place for both of us. After a couple of minutes passed, I finally got the food, and brought over to the table.

Not much conversation was made at that time, as both of us slowly chunked down the food.

As the plate nears to a complete wipe clean, she voiced out a question.

"What are your plans for the future?" She began.

"Future? As in my career?"

"Yeah, and everything. How about house? Have you bought one yet" She added.

"Well, I don't see the importance of a house yet, per se. I think it is not the time yet for me to think really deep on that"

"Well you got to!" Her pitch jumped.

"Now is the perfect time to think about all this. You know, a house gives you assurance that someday you have a place with a roof over your head. You never know about the future. Someday you run into troubles with money, with your family. And lose all you could ever imagined. But not your house. House with money you used on your own to purchase. In the end of the day, there's some place you belong to, to rest, to regain strength, and come back stronger" She finished her sentences with a breath.

"Woah, guess I never thought of that before."

"Well, where's your to-go home now?" She popped a question.

"Errr… obviously it isn't my rental house at Bintulu. So I guess it's my parents house at my birth town?"

"That doesn't count!" She exclaimed.

"You don't really say, but I still kept most of stuffs I grew up with, toys, school stuffs, important gifts with memories etc. You know, nicely stored and packed, in boxes and cabinets from dust. I still have my room unoccupied back in home."

"I don't know." She whispered.

"Okay, where do you kept all your stuffs? I bet it's still somewhere at your parent's house at Miri"

"No." She gave a mono reply.

 By that time, I understood her intention was. To be an owner of a house. She doesn't want to rely on somebody, and at times of troubles, she definitely does not want to be a burden of anybody.

A house on her own definitely will give her a sense of security.

We continued to talk about stuffs, real estates, how instalments will chain our leg to the banks until old age, and the clock stroke further down to noon.

And we eventually rose from our seats, and departed for Singapore Flower Dome.

You

At a get-together with friends,
There were many things I wanted to say,
Today, as always,
I have nothing to talk about,
But you.

Myra

She runs like there is no tomorrow, though once she has enough fun, she will rest and remain idle in a position for hours, falling asleep in the process. We know she is in pain, but neither one of us can tell nor feel what she felt.

It was Thursday night. The last night I spent with Myra. Earlier in the evening on that day, my friend, Jesper and I went out for a quick dinner, and decided to call the night early, as both of us were flying the next morning. So, I got to spare some of my free time before bed to play 'chase the fish rod' or 'catch me if you can snake tail' with Myra. 

Unfortunately if you aren't familiar with the game, it is a simple activity in which you hold a considerably short rope, but not too short, as long as the rope extends from your wrist grip all the way to the ground, and the objective of the game is pretty simple, you'd just slightly pull away the rope in front of your cat's sight until he/she starts chasing the rope down, biting or pawing the rope in the process to prevent it going further away, sometimes in quite an intense violent manner. Of course, you never give in, you will just pull the rope further away whenever he/she thought it's over.

So, I tired out Myra with that game and rubbed her belly and gave her some hugs before I eventually submitted myself onto the bed and into deep slumber. And like every single night when I go to sleep, Myra will curl herself right beside my hand, and too will slumber herself to sleep to an eventual long night.

And there, was the last night.


******************************************************

I was away for the weekend to KL, hence I passed the responsibilities of Myra to the team at veterinary center. She is on daily medication, so it's best to leave things to the professionals.

Three days had passed, though I was already home on Monday, the veterinary is closed for business on all Mondays. No choice, I had to wait till Tuesday. As they say, every cloud has a silver lining. I took the opportunity while she's not around, to dust off the floor, to cleanse it with detergent, to wash the cage, her plate, her drinking station, her sleeping box. I got to get the litter box cleaned with new bag of litter sands. Towels were washed and dried out and everything else was taken care.

Nothing could go wrong. All was ready to welcome her home.

It was Tuesday. I prepped my housemate to collect her from the veterinary center. Because I wasn't available. Because I was on business trip. Because I'm always away. 

            "She is not well. The food in the bowl remains untouched, we tried to feed her wet food, but to no avail. I suggest to put her on drip again. We are sure her urea creatinine ratio in the blood spikes up again", said the doctor on the phone.

I was scrambling for words to reply the doctor. 

             "Okay, please get her well back, doc", I muttered.

Once I got off from the phone, I quickly texted my housemate, on Myra's condition, and that she is no longer required to drop by the center and get Myra home.

Text message begins

Jo jo

Mission abort

Myra not feeling well, so have to go treatment

Oh ok

So just leave her thr?

Yea

Tomoro i vist her

Doc says she is not eating anymore

And vomit water

Text message ends

******************************************************

It was Wednesday.

I had a brisk walk out from my home to the veterinary center. Yes, the center is just a stone's throw away from my house. Perks.

          "You're here, take a sit, I go inform the doctor on your arrival", said the nurse on the counter.

I'm quite known here in the center, having made about ten to twenty trips since the last two months, mostly for Myra's treatment, and to drop her off for boarding/medication away care. I know my ways around here, especially the place they keep the sick pets.

          "Mr. Law, sorry for keeping you on a long wait. Patients are oddly a lot in this hour. Well, like I said on the phone yesterday, Myra wasn't eating much. Her food remains in the bowl. Right now, she is on needle again. We change her diet to wet food now. She had some, but not much. We'll see how her condition at the end of the day", the doctor briefed me once I entered the treatment room.

          "But doctor, she was all well for the whole last week, even before the moment I brought her here for boarding last Friday, she was all fine. She was actively running around the house, ate her food well. Proactive and playful. Is it because the environment? She often suffered emotional distress once she was back from her past boarding. She will show sluggish movement and lost of appetite. Is it because the environment? All the stress from the cage, the alienated.....". 

I tried to get some sense and logical point of view to counter the doctor's words before she stopped me halfway.

          "Mr. Law. I understand what you are trying to say. But in this situation, unlikely. Myra was here in boarding with us, like two weeks ago. She was fine, had her food routinely. Whenever my staffs walk past her, she shows reaction for affection. For now, she does not. You do know her condition. It is best bet to say probably due to that", the doctor concluded.

I tried the comprehend the situation again, but the doctor did make some valid points, and I was forced to the praying chamber again. Weak willed and in slow pace, I made my way to the cage where they keep Myra. 

She was indeed weak. Punctured with several needles, and her eyes were filled with boogers. She let out a soft but weak growl as she saw me.

"Meow"

My heart sank. 

******************************************************

On Thursday morning, I rang up the clinic, and asked about her condition.

          "She's okay now, we force fed her, some good wet food, the drip did fine to her, I guess we just let her stick around for one more day, then she's good to check out", the doctor explained. 

          "Thanks doctor", I replied one-line sentence.

I left my housemate's contact details at the counter. Told the nurse to contact my housemate for any arisen issue or development. Why? 

Apparently I was going to be away, again. Company retreat this time. Two days one night. I prepped my housemate, AGAIN, to collect her from the veterinary center on Friday, or whenever the center calls to inform Myra is good to go. Because I wasn't available. Because I was on business trip. Because I'm always away.

I then packed up and drove to Rainforest resort, located 50 miles away from Miri.

Sharp on 1140 a.m, I lost whatever communication signal to my cell, blame it on the isolated resort beneath the deep jungle, or blame me on my poor selection of cell operator.

I texted my housemate, right before the signal got away, that I will get home as quickly as possible on Friday. Until then, please take care whatever God has to offer.

I can only trust my housemate. And the rest of the day was history.

******************************************************

On Friday noon, once my retreat ended, and I drove out to expressway, my cell began to beep continuously. Lots of texts messages. 24 hours worth of unread text messages.

I had zero interest on all texts, except from my housemate.

Though I was driving, I managed to keep my eyes away for a moment, and started to read some text messages, until:

Text message begins

Ming Xian.....

Paw called me jz nw,

Myra passed away

I asked them to keep the body

I will go at lunch hour later, if u happen

to come back before me and wish to collect her,

let me know kay...

Text message ends

******************************************************

My tears dropped when I unwrapped her cold, hardened, motionless body.

I wiped away her eye boogers, as my mind were busy recalling all the sad but true stories I've listened or read, then suddenly all of it made sense.

R.I.P Myra

Though our time together is short, you brought joy and filled a void in my life I did not realize until you are gone. I blame myself for failing to do good about your condition earlier, and I will regret for the rest of my life not be by your side on your last moment on earth.

Live on in paradise.

Home

I want to go home, though I'm already there.
Longing for it, I venture out.
For a place of I'm no longer sure,
it exists anymore.

I wish,
I could stay in my dreams, forever



"Don't be sad, Jimmy. You are going to be fine"

Insomnia

"Wake up"
As the air whispers,
Amidst the night silence, deafening by the ticking clock,
He rubs his already puffy eyes,
And the sight beyond his vision, a familiar darkness,
Filled by still movables, and emptiness,
He strives for the awakening voice,
Only to be petrified by his own shadow,
And once it is impossible to discern,
He retires again to rest,
To what he hopes, a sounding slumber.

"Wake up"
And the air whispers, again.



********

Jimmy goes to bed early, he knew it's going to be another sleepless night, and tomorrow a fool he will look in his day at his office, owning to probably what he perceives due to lack of energy and focus. So, he does the right thing, he meditates, takes in pills, and even tires himself with minor stretching before hitting the bed. When the clock strikes past 12, all we know, his ever playful pet, a ginger feline, snores hard as Jimmy's eyes are still wide open.


LMX
Bintulu
18/09/2019

Time Machine

I wish I can build a time machine
For you and I to return to the condemned past
To right the wrongs
To seize the missed chances
And to reminisce on lovely memories

Even if it means to alter the future
And strangers we shall become
For all is worth, to see again
Your broad smile of unfeigned delight
And to recoup every little drop
Of your wasted tears at nights



Or maybe, I just want to return to the night when you were sitting on a stool, and I got down on one knee, scrubbed the dirt away from your foot, put on your loosen shoe, and we exchanged smiles.



Ming Xian
25/05/19

If

It's funny
There's no if in life
There are only results
And consequences