*
"Hi"
"I need a good friend tonight. Would you be so kind to chat and chill with me, you know, downstairs at lobby or at the garden, wherever, just to catch up on things, and perhaps eat this delicious little sweet green tea flavored cheese cake I brought?
I smile. To the mirror. Thinking myself it will do.
I step out from the car. After few light footsteps forward, I stop, undo, going back my car, reaching at the door handle, just to make sure I've locked it. I have to juggle between McDonalds takeaway on my left hand, and Chris Allen's Life of Paws on the other hand. Oh, the main character, the cheese cake, nicely in the red box labeled Secret Recipe.
"Alright, in the bag, buddies. Sit nicely there" I murmur to myself, while trying hard to look sane. It must be visually disturbing to be seen conversing with foods.
By just few minutes, I reach the ground floor of her apartment. Pushing the entrance door, a male, presumably Korean, walks past. We share glances. He has his eyes on my buns, and by buns I mean burgers, and I quickly lash at him by narrowing my eyes. He quickly bolts off.
I am now in front of the elevator. For some God-knows-what-it-is reasons, I couldn't lift my miserable weak fingers to press the button.
"She is just a friend." I thought to myself. "A friend, and you need a company to have your dinner. What could have gone wrong? It's only 9.05 p.m. Not too late."
Angel Ming magically appears:
"No, it's awfully wrong" . "What in the name of hell are you doing, in this ungodly hour? For God's sake, she has a boyfriend, leave her alone!"
I ignore my inner "subconscious". I let him screaming by himself in vain.
I lift my fingers, yes they are moving! For crying out loud, was that so hard?
And it pauses mid-air again.
"Darn Ming, just turn around and go back"
I hear my subconscious from far, being held captive in my mind's prison.
Another voice appears:
"You are already here, why not just go and say hi?"
No, no, no. Not now, you Devil Ming.
**
"Okay, three more levels to go"
I never succeed to press any buttons. No elevator doors are opened. I decide to trouble my legs instead. So I make up my mind to use the staircase. This should give me a plenty of time to gather my manly courage, or to juggle between my stupid, dumb inner thoughts.
'LEVEL 9'
Oh boy, this is it. I'm there, I'm going to be there, few more steps.
Just right at the moment when I'm about to crack open the door, my courage plummets to its deepest low.
Devil Ming:
"Be a man, surprise her. Wake her up from her sleep!"
Angel Ming:
"Why don't you try texting? At least she's prepared for what's coming"
Good idea Angel Ming. You're such a great help.
-------------
Hey, I'm nearby your place. Just landed, from airport and I got myself a dinner takeaway, lazy to head back home and hungry, wonder if I could, have it at your place with your company?
-------------
"There, sent!"
I'm not proud at all. Where are my guts? I wonder if I have any to begin with. Resorting with mobile texting is definitely not the sharpest technique in the drawer.
Devil Ming:
15 minutes passed. Tick tock tick tock.
Angel Ming:
Perhaps she's busy. Don't worry
Maybe I'll just wait at the ground floor. I might stand a chance to bump her there if she's returning home from outside.
I begin my descent down the staircase. I do hope my food packs are alright. And the fries, the fries are definitely soft and soggy by now.
I find myself a place to rest my tired ass. I flip Life of Paws, towards the page I bookmarked. Making a stare on my phone screen, with no notifications still.
I slump myself into the world of cats, while on the wait.
***
"Page 122" I mumble.
I put down the book, stand up and perform some minor stretching on my aching body.
The watch displays 11.05 p.m. Is she already asleep? Or is she away? Questions yet questions play in my mind.
I glance at the cake box. I start to worry.
Devil Ming:
Give up you loser.
I start to walk around aimlessly. Some house residents begin to notice my walkabouts, with worried face. I must have been a weirdo the whole night.
"Ding"!
I quickly snap myself out from of imagination. Reaching my pocket for my phone, I quickly unlock the screen.
----------
Hi there.
You're back. I'm sorry I'm not at my place now. On a trip to Kuala Lumpur.
----------
My heart feels dreadful, a sinking Titanic, upon hitting an iceberg.
In silent, I chew my burger and fries. I was hungry after all.
Angel Ming:
Don't worry. Better luck next time.
I toss the food waste into nearest bin, pack my stuffs together, and the cake box, dejectedly making my way back to my car.
I flash out my cell, begin typing a few words.
-----------
Great!
It 's a shame I can't meet you tonight. I guess some other time.
-----------
'Click'
I open up the passenger's door, and carefully place a bag of stuffs. Before driving away, I reach into my trousers pocket once more, and a small piece of paper is taken out.
I look at it for few seconds, unwind the window, then toss it out to the ground, before driving away.
****
I like you.
I know you are seeing someone.
But just for tonight,
Would you be mine?
****
Heartfelt experience,
Bintulu, 16th August 2017
